Malicious Rumors !!

[spirit1]

Well I've had a tough week and thankfully tomorrow we don't have to go to school for inset day --YAY!!-- so I'm going up London, coming home at something like 3 then getting changed and going to Cheerleading for an hour and a half. When I get home I have to rush to get changed to go to a club --MUSIC TEK-- with my friends so that they can cheer me up I think if I had to go to school tomorrow I would have ended up killing myself.

It all started last Friday, a spot of harmless fun turns blackmail basically, I end up having to spread a rumor ... using other people ... to cover it up so that it didn't go any further than it already was. It preoccupied people for a few days, they were getting over it. Then Wednesday struck. It had gotten around my whole year that I was a Bisexual --you couldn't get anyone straighter in my school-- so the fire alarm went and it was unbelievable the amount of people asking me if it was true, I was just like 'yeah yeah yeah' just laughing it off but it was hurting me what they were saying. The boys didn't have a problem ... it was the girls. All my friends knew the truth and thought it brave what I was doing to hide this secret. It really hurt me, so when I got home I slept for a little while. When I woke up my anger and sadness had still not gone --I had even looked at a picture of Skandar [[everyone knows he makes me happy]]-- and it was bugging me. I sat on the laptop as I am now typing away on msn. Everyone didn't believe I was upset enough to 'cut' I went downstairs with an empty plate --from finishing my dinner-- walked past my dad an uncle with red raw eyes, went in the kitchen and tested the knives on my wrist to see if they were sharp enough and one passed the test, carried it upstairs. Walking in front of my dad looking straight through me and went to my room. NOBODY NOTICED. ii was so mad !!

Tears were blinding my sight, ii managed to cut my wrist but it never bled, so ii slit my arm/wrist on cam to Kyle. He couldn't believe what he was seeing and I was too upset to notice that it was actually hurting me. I sat there just cutting until Kyle couldn't take it anymore, he started talking to me telling me not to do it --they weren't the words ii wanted to hear but gurd enough-- it made me stop but still out of the cams view ii sat cutting. My end result wasn't any blood but just a dent in my arm --more or less-- my friends were telling me it wasn't the way to deal with it and that ii needed to find another way, ii pretty much have tried everything !!!! from screaming into a pillow too beating the feathers out of my pillow they weren't enough to get my anger out so my last resort was taking it out on myself. Today everyone wanted to see my wrist, Kyle included, nobody could believe it --NOT EVEN KYLE and he was watching me as ii done it!!-- loads of people were sympathetic but few were really nasty --although ii don't think they meant to be-- for today at least it wasn't so bad. My wrist was stinging all day. A constant reminder. Kyle I think at the least was my biggest savior, and even now he's here for me!!


^taken on my phone, the cut on my wrist/arm^


^taken on my phone, of the cut taken from the side^

Younger may not want to see them but trust me; It looks worse than it actually is ! Tis amazing what a rumor will make a person do

[Dusty's Girl]

Hun, I went through a bad time when I was still in school were people thought that I was a lesbian, bisexual and finally that I was sleeping around with every guy there. I went to a Private Christian school by the way. I went along with it for a while, I would tell them sure I was a lez or sure I was bi until they said that I was sleeping around with people. Sure, I did have some problems with a guy and ended up being raped by him at 17, but that was certainly not sleeping around with every guy at school. I tried to kill myself when he raped me. I took sleeping pills and tried to slice my wrists. My best friend scott showed up just in time to save my life all because of his stupid girlfriend's father and I lived across the street from her. He saved my life and promised that nothing like that would happen again. No, I have not been raped since, but I did get into a bad marriage and was verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused. He also abused my Kylen. Needless to say, we are divorced and I did try to kill myself before I kicked him out. I took a bad situation and made it better though. Just as I am doing with David and his parents now. As bad as we hate the situations that we all get into, they are always sure to make us stronger and make us better people. I am here for you luv! And you know that you can talk to me about anything!

[Swede]

I've had dreams about drowning myself a while back- I did not trust myself at Lake Tahoe. But seriously, these are just nasty rumors that people spread because they have no lives. These are the sort of people who end up begging out of cardboard boxes, while those who don't give a sh*t are the ones who end up happy people with a good job and good friends. My BFF's brother thought me and my other friend were lesbians, and we laughed. Very hard. There's a few ways you could tell with it- personally I favor rude hand gestures, but ignoring works too. As does serious talks to offenders and locking them into closets until hey believe you (that is a time-tested method, a beautiful story for another time). And whatever you do- IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. So don't take it out on yourself. Promise me, now, that you will stop. And dusty, please no more suicidal urges, 'kay? It's not so much fun on the people around you. I know this.

[Dusty's Girl]

I havent tried anymore Swede. I have Kylen now and David is treating me lots better and hey, Starbucks at the grocery store where I work is opening tomorrow and FREE COFFEE!!! what could be better?