Withholding A Heart

[Dusty's Girl]

"There it is, King, the River. See, I told you we have walked all over without anything." The dun's deep voice carried for a few yards as he spoke to the larger horse next to him. The dun looked strong, deep heart girth, and strong legs. But looks can be deceiving at times. His gait showed a subtle limp, a reminder of white line disease. His coat was slightly dull and his mane and tail were tangled and matted. But his eyes still held their original spark of life, one of determined spirit, a true knight. His tail ran over his coat, flicking flies as he waited for the larger stallion next to him to speak.

"Yes, Raidho, we have traveled everywhere here and I am happy that it is as we left it. But we do not own everything, I was merely making sure that nothing had changed too badly." The black and white Vanner's voice was harsh with worry. Since he had gotten lost while protecting his lands, he had not seen his lead mare Velvet or that mare Faradera for some time. He missed them so. Just as Raidho missed his mare. But things happen and maybe mares will come back into their lives as they settle down for good now. The Gypsy's coat was still glossy and well, his mane and tail slightly tangled. His elegant feathers on his legs were worse for the wear and his age was just starting to show slightly. But they were ready to gather some mares and settle down in this place, a place of relaxation and of new beginnings.

[Dusty's Girl]

King dipped his head towards the river, his gentle lips pulling the water into his mouth slowly and almost savoring the cool water. It was indeed summer and the insects were flitting about, the water lower than normal and the grasses were starting to turn that light shade of brown from sitting in the sun too long. Other horses were heard here, but King and Raidho could only look at each other in sorrow that they had to leave their beloveds behind to protect their herd. They each felt as if their lives were over now, a time of acceptance when a stallion would step down and go out into the world to lay down and pass away with the passing of the wind. But each knew that they had to sire at least one colt between them, someone to carry on their legacy here in Sunshine River. That would be a hard feat to accomplish though for two older stallions. Both were not up to their standards of what they could look like and King's joints were starting to bother him from those years of jumping before he was ready.

King raised his head and let a call flow from his muzzle. It was sad, longing, and a call to invite almost any horse that was around them. Raidho lifted his head as well and echoed the call, his strong voice adding strength to the music of the horses. A look passed between the two, they did not know for sure if anyone would even answer. Perhaps it was time to head back to the Ridge to reclaim it permanently.

[Swede]

She staggered through the meadows, seeing nothing, hearing nothing. Only when she felt the icy cold of the river's edge, did she stop, her entire body shaking. Winter had been hard on the mare, not used to the wild and not adapted to it; pregnant and alone, it had nearly killed her. Spring and summer had not restored her health, despite plentiful food and easy times. Her normally raven-black coat was dull and unkempt, tail tangled and mane full of brambles. Personal hygiene had been the least of her concerns. Her ribs could be easily counted by the observant, and the scar across her face and flank had not faded this past year. Her eyes had once been bright and energetic, back in the time when she had lived comfortably with her humans. Now, they were hollow and dull. Her breath was shallow, rapid, as though she was suffering from some illness. She shivered slightly in the summer haze. But there was no life-threatening disease in her body; the fever was in her mind, haunts of the past.

Faradera blinked, and her focus cleared slightly. There was the river, at her feet. Despite the swirling waters that constantly flowed down it, it seemed flat and shining to her. Gazing into the depths, her breath caught and she stumbled away. Images of her daughter followed her everywhere; she had seen mirages of a little bay filly galloping through the grass earlier. Now, she was dead on the river's bottom. But this was not true. A tiny bay body lay somewhere else; in the fields beside a lake, never to rise, never to even bear a name. Why had she left? The anguish gripped her, and her head sank between her knees as the black mare struggled to remain standing. A soft moan fled from her lips, a plea for the end.

[Dusty's Girl]

Both heads lifted as one as the sullen mare stumbled to the river. A look passed between the two, a secret that no one else could read as they started to move as one. A black and white vanner on the left and a dun mustang on the right. They came up on either side of the mare, their bodies moving easily through the grasses to the mare. Sure they showed signs of age and a hard winter, but this poor mare needed their help, their attention. A soft muzzle belonging to the dun knight reached out and caressed the mare's shoulder softly, a gentle touch of comfort. Another muzzle reached over, this one white with a touch of pink reached over slowly and laid itself on the shoulder of the mare. Two comforting touches, two comforting equines. Of course they were stallions, but they were older and this mare needed their help.

Another look passed between the two stallions, over top of the mare's shoulders. King reached his muzzle down towards her head, "Faradera? Is that you?" He was unsure because of the unkept appearance of the bedraggled mare. The scars were the same, but something was different, something had snapped. His kind voice was deep, harsh with worry as he nudged at her foreleg softly, waiting and wondering.

Raidho lifted his head, keeping close to the mare, his eyes on the lookout in case any other equine would dare come near the trio. This was a matter of protecting a mare and a stallion, a matter of making sure that the mare in question had a place to call her own, a heart of an equine to comfort her. No claims would be made now, just the comfort of friends and of other horses. He let a gentle snort rip from those nostrils as he gently laid his head on her back, trying to comfort the mare with his touch, as King was trying to comfort the mare with his voice.

[Swede]

The ebonite mare glanced up at the touch. Uncomprehending eyes swept from the dun stallion to the pinto one. The faintest flicker of recognition crossed her gaze, before her head dropped again. She had never really recognized her own deterioration, even before the foal was born. Weight had been lost without her own realization. Not even the warm roundedness of a foal inside her could conceal it anymore. The foal had been born, and abandoned. Faradera's voice was thin and quivering as she struggled to formulate coherent words. "King?" She raised her head slightly again. She recognized the other one, vaguely. Sort of brownish in her haze. Rosemont? No, this was a different shade, a different build. She didn't remember much of the ridge anymore. Only pain had been brought to her there. No, this one did start with an R though... she thought... or maybe a D? She honestly could not remember. Perhaps a few months ago, or even last week. Not now. She had not even recognized Tulip or Diamond at first, there by the lake.

She could feel that pressure in her throat, constantly nagging at her. The tears that would not come. Her sorrow was too great, and they could not be shed whether she wanted them or not. Perhaps she needed them; but her shaking was not from sobs. The mare blinked slowly, making an attempt at focusing. She had been wandering without direction or purpose, and was not rightly sure where she was. Water bubbling. Grass. The river? Or still by the lake? But there had been streams at the ridge too... she gave up. Only that terrible hissing in her mind- Dead, dead, dead, dead... It had followed her from the lake, pronouncing her a killer. She was beginning to believe it. Wasn't it an odd coincidence that those around her had such a great tendency to die prematurely?

She felt so alone, in the world. She had left her herd by her own volition; because of her and Tulip, Diamond had as well. L'eau was out in the world, no longer by her side. It was doubtful she would ever see her again. And her youngest daughter, alive within her hours ago, was now limp in the sunkissed grass.

[Dusty's Girl]

King's eyes flashed slightly as he lifted his head to look at Raidho once more. Slowly lowering his head, he nuzzled her muzzle softly, almost asking her to lift her head once more. "Yes, I am King, Faradera. And Raidho is here as well. Nothing can hurt you now...nothing can get to you with two friends by your side." His voice, though still harsh with worry, was soft and kind. His tail flicked over the mare and himself, ridding the flies that landed there. His body lightly touched hers in comfort, in friendship.

Raidho, the ever present Knight, stood rock steady, his eyes and ears open for any trouble on the horizon. King and Faradera needed to talk, she needed company, and she needed love and a home. His eyes gazed over her ebon coat. It was dull and lacking any kind of gloss. Her skin was stretched tight over her bones, a mockery of the once full mare that she had been. A soft sigh slipped from his muzzle. What had happened to this mare? What could have caused to her decline at all? "King, Faradera, maybe we could go to the comfort of the Ridge? Unless you two want to stay here that is." His deep voice was soft, full of concern.

King nuzzled her once more, this lovely mare was almost nothing any more and he could hardly stand it. He felt something in his heart from the first moment that he had met this mare, ages ago. And he still felt it. She almost coursed through his veins, a resounding voice that begged to be saved but at the same time begged to be let go. She had been through the fires and he would try and bring her back, back to where she was a mare again. He closed his eyes for a moment, almost wishing that he could have endured her pain instead of herself.

[Swede]

She looked up bleakly. "Oh really?" she muttered. "Can you keep out sorrow, death, pain? Or is it just a part of life, something doomed to follow us until we die?" The hopeless mare shook her head. Death seemed a blessing now. Her ears flicked slightly at the mention of the ridge. "Here, there, anywhere. It doesn't change anything, nothing at all..." Faradera swallowed tightly, glancing from Raidho to King. She wondered, had it been her fault the herd broke up? That Tulip and Iced Diamond left, and Rosemont moved to another terra? She could not even be bothered to hate him anymore. Not now that her daughter was gone. She could not even blame him, either; she should not have expected this time around to have been any different. She spoke slowly, haltingly, half to herself, "All I- I ever wanted... was my own little one to care for... but it seems that is impossible..." She bit her lip pensively.

[Dusty's Girl]

King thrust his muzzle softly against hers, "If a tiny one is what you want, then a tiny one is what you will get. Pain and death and sorrow, they do not just follow you. Both myself and my Knight have lost our mares, they have vanished and we have spent months searching for them and protecting the land for them. Was that all in vain as well? And as for a place to live, I am sure that I can try and claim another place if it would suit you. We do not have to live on the ridge at all. Maybe a forest? Or somewhere else? But you are not to blame for any of this. It does happen, which is a sad thing, but it also teaches us. And maybe the stallions were to blame for your little ones? A stallion has influence on the foals as well. It is not just the mare's fault if something goes wrong." He snorted softly, his body still touching hers gently. He desperately wanted to see this mare up and alive once more, his heart belonged to her and he did not know why anymore. He loved her and this was ripping his heart out.

Raidho shook his head gently, his muzzle resting on her back as he looked around once more. "A little one to care for is nothing to give up hope. I myself have seen many of the mares that I have covered foal out to a stillborn. They blame themselves, but I blamed myself because I helped create that little one and what if it was because of me it did not live? I am sure King has been the same way. Please, at least eat something and regain your strength." His deep voice held worry for King's new heart, a worry that would need all of his strength to protect.

[Swede]

She shrugged. "I've had four foals, four stills. Four different stallions couldn't have all gone wrong, could they? And L'eau is gone, too..." Faradera needed a home, needed warmth and love and comfort. She herself didn't really understand this; but like any horse, company was her natural instinct and she craved it. Leaving Rosemont's herd had been the lesser of two evils- though she had to scrape through winter alone, at least her heart hadn't been consumed by hate. At the moment, she didn't consider the idea that she could choose to follow King and his knight, or go at life alone again. At least the past winter the foal had been with her- silent, but there. Now, it would just be her and herself. The thought made her feel vaguely sick.

The mare considered King's speech in silence, trying to sort out his words from her own grief-stricken thoughts. "I suppose... that making an effort counts for something... at least it kept you busy..." She paused. "But you didn't find them, did you. And what if there was nothing to find? Dead, or lost, or forgotten. Is a search for nothing still a worthwhile one- or is it better to focus on the present, rather than rebuilding the past..." To forget, or to remember; to move on coldly, or go mad with grief; neither option seemed appealing. Could there be a third? To keep loved ones lost close to the heart, but the new and fresh even closer? Perhaps in time. The dead require nothing, except perhaps a time of mourning, but the living require many things.

She blinked, and shook her head, trying to clear her clouded mind. "Any place, north or south, woods or fields; whichever suits you all best. I have no preference." Last she heard, all the known terras had been claimed by newcomers. But some had left, perhaps, with only tracks remaining. Maybe there was space, and maybe there wasn't. Faradera glanced down at the lush, verdant grasses, tall and short, leafy and sparse, various herbs mixed in. A veritable buffet, capable of pleasing the pickiest palate. It looked extremely unappetizing; she doubted her ability to chew and swallow, much less keep it down. Hunger was not a pressing issue; perhaps later.

[Dusty's Girl]

King's heart almost broke as he heard her speak, "Then come, join us. If not as my lead mare, then as a mare none the less. Though I have searched and Raidho has searched, our losses are not proving futile at all. I have found you in your greatest time of need and I will do whatever it takes to make you feel at home and to at least get some meat on those bones." He nuzzled her softly. He snorted softly, his ears twitching slightly.

Raidho looked at the two, his muzzle still resting on Faradera's back. "Then it is settled. We will keep the land up on the ridge for now, at least since it is lush with grass and neverending water. It is easy to keep an eye out and few horses have come there since the battle with the black. And My Lady, Everything happens for a reason and we all have heartbreak and heartache. But sometimes we need a wake up call in our lives. King here has fallen for you, it is evident in his eyes and in his movements. He has never been this close to a mare in his life before. In fact on our journey, he even spoke frequently of you and fondly might I add." Raidho, who had never lied a day in his life, went on speaking the same truths that he had spoken out on the trail to King. Things do happen, and this mare had been through the roughest. But two Knights were here to make sure things would not go wrong again. And if King and Faradera would stand together soon, he would make it his job to make sure that she was a pampered princess until the foal was born, alive and safe.

King nuzzled up close to the mare, almost afraid to make the wrong move. For the first time in his life as a stud and a wild stallion, he was afraid of a mare. Not that she would hurt him, but that she would hurt herself. What if he could not sire a strong enough foal? None of his other foals had had any problems, in captivity or the wild. What if he and Raidho could not protect her against herself?

[Swede]

Had she been human, she may have blushed. As it were, she was a horse, and simply swished her tail slightly. Comments of that sort had not been made to her since she met Rosemont; and these were more veritable, it seemed. A testimony that she was spoken and thought of was stronger than hollow flattery. "Yes, well... I would be honored to live with you, King. I..." Her thoughts were disorganized and incoherent, but a gleam of hope was emerging. Could a happy future be possible? Could she put away a past full of misfortune, and start anew? It seemed to be getting more likely by the moment. She remembered vaguely a day when she had wandered alone on the ridge, in tears and frightened of life- past, future, and present. It had been the day she met King, and though she'd been upset at the time, she recalled how struck she was by his kindness. And the vanner had come to their defense that fateful day on the ridge, when she and Rosemont had parted ways forever. She had never thanked him for it...

"Yes... I suppose that with both Rosemont and the black gone, life might be peaceful... perhaps we should go, then..." Faradera hesitated slightly, then asked, "Did you ever find any of your herd members? Even just one? Or are they all gone?" It was a sad thing when families broke up, and friends were parted. But perhaps new families could be made, and new friends found.

[Dusty's Girl]

King's head raised as she agreed to go with him. His heart was soaring above the skies for a moment in time. This lovely mare that he had once seen in tears on the ridge and here, broken and yearning for death, had accepted his offer to live with him and his knight. It was as if magic was true in this world and for one moment, descended on him and made him the happiest stallion that ever existed, even happier than Eros, the god of love. "Then it is made up, we will go back to the ridge and stay there for now until we decide on a better place, if one can be found. And no, Faradera, we never did find any of our family. No mares and no foals could be found. It was as if they had vanished off the face of this earth." His voice grew dim as he spoke of his past mare and foal and Raidho's lady. It was true that their foals had gone with the mares, but maybe in time they would be found. Or would be glimpsed in heaven someday.

Raidho lifted his head from her back and backed up a few short steps. His black forelock dangled into his eyes as he looked at the pair. They certainly did make a handsome couple and would suit the ridge very well. "Then it is settled and we shall be off?" His deep voice was regaining some of its old spark. Sure, he missed his Glory, but he was needed once more. He was here for protection and if he bothered to find a mare, then that was happy too.